WE LIVE IN THE MIRACLE THAT IS MOUNTAIN COUNTRY

The best part of today was waking up to the wind rapping on the window with a soft breeze on my face. The only thing that would make it better would be to have zac here too.

Zac is taking a class on wilderness writing this semester. Which means he gets to go away some weekends and camp and hike and...play, while i am here at school. No, i am not bitter at all that i am left here reading my textbooks and he is off rubber tramping in this mountain country.

I cant feel to bad when he leaves on these short adventures. We have had the most lovely weather in the valley this winter and i have gone out and played with kaleb and jenny most days. Who could be sad about that.

Although i keep telling myself its no big deal and he will be back soon, my heart says something else entirely. So do my sleep patterns. When zac leaves its a BIG DEAL. I hardly sleep at night and when i do start to fall off i wake up looking for him.

I never have missed anything so much as just having him here in the other room watching soccer. or the great consumption of milk that comes with zac being home.

Honestly, i have become a milk snob because of Zac. We drink about a gallon of milk every two days, roughly. Not always. But this means that when zac leaves and the milk is in the fridge for 5 or 6 days, it tastes funny to me. I am now accustomed to drinking fresh, in our fridge, one day milk. Its the little things that makes me realize how much i really miss him.

This thursday after he left, i came home to find a paper he had written, pinned to a canvas i have on the living room wall-- there is nothing painted on this canvas, just "I LOVE YOU ZAC" written in charcoal across the top. On the paper was a little yellow sticky note. I stood in front of the canvas and just cried. I have the most wonderful husband in the world. and not only that, he is the most AMAZING writer! I knew when i married him he was a writer, but every time i read something of his i am taken aback. He has a way with words. A talent that i have not acquired-- in fact i am terrible with words, as you can tell from this blog post.

I live in a dream, in the most beautiful place in the world with the best family i could ever ask for. We live in the miracle that is mountain country.

#86 more reasons to love you

Maybe deja vu is something you find in the kitchen, and moments like this just find us again and again.

The ones that found a place in us

I watched this Ted talk on vulnerability. It changed me deeply. I have decided to tell my story.

I am going to climb my everest. I am deciding to be everything i want to be. Connection is why were here and this is my opportunity for growth to be real, and tell the whole story with my whole heart. Letting myself be seen, even if its only for myself.

Where do we ever begin a story? at the beginning....

While there were hundreds of stories before this, Some forgotten and others treasured in stacks by my bedside, When i go to write the story or wonder back to the beginning, you are what i think of. It is a million pieces that make me, but i cannot remember the story without you. You are the beginning of this great story, even though that would mean the beginning is in the middle.

It is the ones that find place in us that make us who we are.

The night my mom finished reading us Where the Red Fern Grows....

I was lying on the cool wood floor, tears running down my face. My heart felt empty.

I remember thinking we should have never finished the book. We should have stopped in the middle, or read the end first so we would be prepared for such an ending.

But i don't know that i would have ever been ready. I still am not ready.

The leader i had at girls camp, who gave me a note that simply said: "I wish i had freckles like yours. I think you are so beautiful."

Watching the same sad movie again and again, hoping every time it will be happy or different or that you wont cry. But i always do. and it always ends the same.

Putting raspberries on our fingers and spending most every day barefoot.

All of these things found place in me.

They are part of the story and a prelude to the beginning.

This venture to grow a lemon-tree began with you. And that is where i will begin the story...

At the beginning.

Where Zac found me.

Presidents day?

Woke up starving, Zac made me pancakes as big as my FACE!

I love this holiday. Maybe because its like, the only spring break we get from school this semester. Or maybe its the good feelings i still have from last years presidents day.

Jena, Alex and I decided that morning to throw a presidents day dance party. (we love throwing parties) So we took a stack of those shiny, emergency blankets and pinned them to the walls, we had people come dressed up as presidents and we served....well, it was last minute, so we fed them the only things we had in the apartment.... Corn dogs, cut up into appetizer pieces:) Canada dry, which we edited to say "american dry" and someone brought patriotic cupcakes.

It was one of the better parties we hosted that year, next to our twenties party.

We had a great turn out. Presidents and mustached men came and jammed to our DJs picks until the speaker blew out and the corn dogs were gone....then everyone left.

Still a great party. We had to cancel this years because of over scheduling of events... lame right? Who has stuff going on presidents day?

The luckiest

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Zac and I were married 6 months ago on August 5, 2011.

A year ago this month, by some wonderful chance, i found myself out to dinner.

I had no plan to go out with Alex and Jena that night. It was their families and my family wasn't around. I had left school early and went with a friend to get ribs... (what can i say i was craving ribs.) As i was returning to campus Alex called and prodded me to join them. I was hesitant and had a number of less than convincing excuses. So with my leftover ribs in my backpack and dragging my feet i met up with the Jameson/Schmidt gang. We headed over to this little El Salvadorian place to meet up with Joe (our professor).

Zac had not planned to be there either...(then again i feel like he is good at turning up any place with free food).

He had finished class that evening and ran into his dad and brother. They were headed out to meet us and he invited himself along for the food:)

I ended up sitting across from him.

All i remember is trying to talk and having little response out of him. He remembers us talking a lot. I can hardly remember the conversation, but whatever he said made me laugh. What i do know for sure is i had no idea that a year later, the man sitting across from me at dinner, would be my husband.

Here is to last year, and the love we fell into!

Teachers

I found a letter from bb. A letter that meant a lot to me and opened my eyes to something greater than myself.

We had set out to learn something from everyone on the trip.

and this is what she learned:

(names have been replaced with dashes ex:-----)

my dearest elise:

i realize how prolonged this is, but you drifted across my brain just this morning and i decided that something must be done about it!

here is what i learned:

-------- it is ok to be yourself and not conform to social norms. just live how you want and how you are comfortable.

------- everyone has a tender side

-------- people are capable of quiet/meaningful moments

-------- I DO have the ability to accept everyone (no matter how awkward/annoying)

------- it is ok to talk to people and to be personable and to laugh (LOUD and a lot) and to be a big kid

------- teachers can have great impact on their students, life changing, paradigm shifting

------- passion can thrive

-------- curiosity is an admirable trait that i want to enhance/embrace in my own life

----- consistent kindness will open hearts (and mouths); love exists in each and every heart

------- a pure heart is possible

-------- patience.

------- the right mind/heart/hand is limitless and un-defeatable

--------- friendship is powerful and real

--------- an art engulfed life is a happy/content life

--------- i don't want to be so consumed with someone else that i forgot the people who are near me

------- there is beauty all around

-------- even attitude-filled people have good hearts

------- even real gymnasts/athletes have a little extra fat on their bodies

-------- some people just shouldn't drive (stress is BAD)

------ tall is always beautiful

------ bringing people together, and staying together, brings strength

------- its ok to touch/be touched

------- similar souls/personalities are manifested in many different ways

-- the mind has limitless power/ability to create; we are each empowered with specific gifts

----- even pretty girls are deep

-------- sometimes it just takes time for people to adjust to each other

------ do exactly what you want and be exactly who you want to be

i learned so much from our little adventure. the things i learned in that little month have changed me and molded me into a better, more aware, more adventurous, more feeling, more loving, more accepting, person. what a blessing each person was to me, and what a teacher each person was to me.

thank you for your kindness and your love. you are fantastic and i cannot wait to see what life has in store for you, for me, for us all. it truly is a glorious time to be alive.

oh, and, i really do love you. just so you know.

watching in awe as the trees flow in the wind,

bb